Golden Sun: The True Story Revealed
by Crash Big
Summary: After a long break this is finally updated. Isaac is suicidal. Ivan loves his sugarg. Garet is well... Retard. Mia is wanted by the FBI. Wait wtf! Who wrote this crap!
1. The Crap Begins

TheWiseTwo: Yea. MY first fic.

Connor: It will probablish suck.

The WiseTwo: Maybe but you would live to find out.

Connor: 'Gulp'

* * *

Golden Sun: The True Story Revealed

Chapter 1: The Crap Begins

Isaac was asleep and snoring soundly in his bed oblivious to what was happening around him. "Isaac wake up the Mt. Aleph boulder is falling." Isaac snored even louder at this. His mother Dora sighed then started to yell at him, "Isaac get out off your bed right now or die!" No reaction. "Get up or I will ground you!"

Isaac shot up at this and looked at her sleepily, "So what time is it…"

"Just get up and go to the Town Square!"

"Fine maybe I will!" Dora stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind her. "What is her problem? She acts as though the boulder is going to fall or something." He stepped outside and noticed that is was raining. His parents started to talk to him but of course he tuned them out. "I wonder what Garet is doing." He started to walk up to Garet's but saw that he was trying to carry his favorite stuff. "He is never going to get that down so I'll just 'help' him."

"Hey Isaac" Garet started to say until Isaac knocked him out and started to drag him away. They didn't get far before Garet woke up and started kicking and screaming. "I want by stuff! My beautiful booky-like thingies!"

Isaac was about to knock Garet out again but before he did someone called out to them. "Hey kids get out of this horrible place and go to the Town Square."

"How did you know that we were going to the square" Isaac called back.

"Uh… I just did now go!"

"Isaac I think we better listen to him."

'Garet thinking… This was a first.' Isaac thought. He shrugged And went down the stair that were closest but stopped as a boulder almost fell on him. "Crap!" he yelled. He turned around to kick Garet but he was off picking flowers. "Garet!"

"Uh-oh… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Garet screamed in a really high pitched voice as he run down the path of no return (the way to Kraden's house). Isaac followed with a little sword ready to attack Garet.

He swung when he got close but Garet tripped… On nothing! The attack end up hitting a innocent little vermin and after that the monster council would met and agreed that all monsters would try to kill the one now known to them as "The Slayer" (Isaac) and all of his friends and family.

They both looked at the poor vermin and started to walk away whistling. After the incident they decided to not speak of it again and go to the square as they were originally told. As they when down the conveniently placed stairs they heard a scream and ran to see what was wrong. They saw Felix in the water and other people trying to help him. 'Crap' Isaac thought, 'I shouldn't have tied him to that pole in the river earlier today.'

Dora who somehow had gotten there too quickly saw them and shouted to them, "Will you boys help Jenna." They noticed Felix's sister going to the square to get help for the boy. They both just shrugged. "NOW!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. Garet and Isaac ran away from her fearing for what she might do to them.

When they got to the square they noticed Jenna talking to the mayor. They tried to get to her but people when blocking their path. "Stupid people." Isaac said under his breath.

After walking around everyone Jenna had finished talking and was trying to take this bigger man to the house. "What if she gets back without us?" Isaac asked in an urgent tone.

"Then you mama kill us…" Garet replied.

They ran after Jenna and caught up with her moments before she got to the house. "Hey do you two want to help me?" She asked innocently. They quickly nodded and walked with her.

They reached the bridge over the house and Dora called, "Did you two losers find anyone?" The man stepped out from behind Isaac and Garet. She slapped her forehead and replied, "I meant someone that was worth something!"

"I'll help." the man replied weakly.

Just then a huge boulder fell from the uppermost portion of town and started to head straight for them. It crashed and in an instant Isaac's dad, Felix, and both of Jenna's parents were gone. Everyone was stunned.

Isaac was the first to recover. "Crap. Well I better go find some one to help the others get better." He walked away and started to head to the square again.

Garet recovered second and noticed that Isaac was gone. "Heyyyyyyy. Isaac gone. Where is he be."

Garet followed Isaac (some how he knew where Isaac had gone).

Isaac walked the path and heard some weird-looking people talking. "I never knew that Sol Sanctum would do this. We should be more careful next time we decide to challenge Sol…"

The blue man was interrupted by Garet, "Hey Isaac there you be!"

Both of the weird people looked at Isaac and Garet and growled.

"Isaac they scaring me."

Just then two bolts of lightning from the storm above came down and hit Isaac and Garet knocking them unconscious.

"…" The female just stared.

"Well that was convenient," the blue man said.

They both jumped away leaving Isaac and Garet where they were.

* * *

TheWiseTwo: So ends my first fic cahpter ever.

Connor: I hated it.

TheWiseTwo: That's because you don't know what Golden Sun is.

Connor: So

TheWiseTwo: I can't work will this guy.


	2. Garet is Dumber Kraden is Scarier and

TheWiseTwo: Yeah chapter two.

Connor: This will suck.

TheWiseTwo: I don't pay you to criticize me... That is what reviewers are for.

Connor: You don't pay me at all!. But if you don't be nice I'll tell everyone about the award you got from the tennis team.

TheWiseTwo: You wouldn't dare.

Connor: Try me.

TheWiseTwo: I forgot the disclaimer last time so there it is now;

**Disclaimer: TheWiseTwo doesn't own Golden Sun,Camelot, or anything fromthem, and he doesn't own Connor.**

Connor: Freedom!

TheWiseTwo: No, your contract forbids you to leave.

Connor: I never signed a contract...

TheWiseTwo: You know too much...(pulls out gun) I'm afraid can't let you live.

Connor: Shit!

TheWiseTwo: By the way thanks for the good review Rose Red2.0 (fires gun)

* * *

Golden Sun: The True Story Revealed

Chapter 2: Garet is Dumber; Kraden is Scarier; and Isaac's and Jenna's Revenge

Three years later…

Isaac woke up feeling sad. This was nothing new for him. Ever since his father died he had been diagnosed with clinical depression. Though he took medicine so that he would be just like a normal boy. But soon he wouldn't be a normal boy.

Today was the day that he Jenna and Garet would go to Kraden's house (shiver) to try to learn more about alchemy. Now they were all seventeen.

He got out of his bed and had a usual routine of chores (I hate chores) and then took his medication. He left the house feeling normal.

"Hey Isaac!" his mother yelled, "I need you to patch the roof that Garet broke last week."

"Fine" he called back. He was too tired to argue.

Jenna stomped up the road with every thing round her bursting into flames. She had been this way ever since her parents and Felix had died, angry at everything. Everything except Isaac and occasionally Garet if he wasn't too stupid (meaning he was still on fire a lot). When she got to Isaac's house she saw that his mother was making him work his butt off.

So she went to see Garet. Just as she got to his house heard him "Move!" Of course she ducked thinking Garet was throwing something. It was his pysnergy. She was really mad now. "Garet what the hell are you doing."

"Practicing." He said dumbly, "Why?"

"Gah!" she threw up her hands and lit him on fire.

He just stood there. And stood there. And stood there. And stood there. And stood there. (I'll just get to the point. He is too dumb to realize that he is on fire.) "Garet…"

"Yeah"

"You're on fire…"

"Oh… … … … Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fire burn! Fire bad!"

"Shut the heck up and let's go get Isaac."

"Okay"

They start walking and reach Isaac's house in about a minute. Well it is right next door. (Personally I don't know how Isaac can live next to Garet. Or how his family puts up with him for that matter.)

"Okay your done Isaac. Lets see how you did" she said as she climbed the ladder, "It looks like you did a good job. Lets hope that Garet would come around in five minu…"

She was interrupted by … you guessed it … Garet. "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Isaac house need to be not any more?" (I think Garet is getting dumber.)

"Fine now go before you destroy my roof again!"

"Lets go Garet" Isaac said quickly.

So the three of them set out for the most perilous journey they would ever have until later. (TLA with Kraden is scarier.) They would have to kick puppies out of their way to get to their favorite long cut. All of this to get to grandmama's house. (You will understand later) As they got close to Kraden's house they came across an odd group of people a man with blue hair and a woman with red marks over her.

"Hey kids! How did you get behind us?" the blue one called.

"We do the walking"

"Well you can't see Kraden right now!"

"Why?"

"Well…"

"Why?"

"I was going to…"

"Why?"

"That's it!"

"Why?"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" (This is from the song Don't Stay by Linkin Park)

The blue man ran away dragging the woman with him.

"Freaks" Isaac and Jenna said under their breaths. The three opened the door the Kraden's house and saw him posing in a woman's bikini. He froze as he saw them and everyone one started to twitch and Isaac and Jenna were both thinking the same thing, 'I hope I go blind'.

The kids all screamed and ran away to the Sol Sanctum. Along the way they 'accidentally' knocked out the healer that guarded the entrance. They kept running until they got to a very bright room.

"Hey Garet…" Isaac said

"Yeah Isaac…"

"I never noticed before but you…"

"Yes Isaac…"

"But you…"

"Yes…"

"You're on fire!"

"Oh yeah… I had forgotten about that."

"Kids wait up!" Kraden called. He ran up to them and started to pant from running a lot. (No he is not in the bikini any more you sicko)

"What do you want Kraden?" Isaac asked.

"Since we are all ready here how about we try to solve the riddles of this place."

"What's in it for us?" Jenna replied.

"I'll let you blackmail me." Kraden said as he hung his head.

So the four walked one more room up and Kraden decided he would be safer away from Jenna.

As the three walked in to a room with four statues in it Isaac pushed one into position.

They heard Kraden scream and decided to see what was the matter. He emerged from the room breathing for air. "What did you kids do! You could have killed me!" He ran back down the stairs cursing like a sailor.

Isaac looked at Jenna and Jenna looked at Isaac. An evil smile crept apon both of their faces while Garet stared blankly into space.

Kraden was minding his own business when all of a sudden the largest and most violent storm he had ever seen was locked up in the room with him. He screamed and then he blacked out.

Up stairs Isaac and Garet had pushed all the statues in the room nearby the storm room into position and now were trying to get the first ones into position. When that was done the trio went down stairs and picked Kraden up after they saw he had blacked out. They failed to notice the brightness in the former Luna room.

As they entered the Sol room they did notice it was dark. "Room go dark." Garet said blankly. Then Garet saw a tiny light pointing at a brick so he had to touch it. A portal opened up as Garet touched the stone and the four were sucked inside.

* * *

TheWiseTwo: (carrying a large bag that seems really heavy) Thank you for reading. If you have any suggestions or want to criticize me go right ahead I will still write this story and have fun doing it. Too bad I already killed Connor. 


	3. Goodbye

TheWiseTwo: This updating thing is going faster than I expected...

Connor: That is because...

TheWiseTwo: Do you know how much I hate you.

Connor: Yes. :)

TheWiseTwo: Wait how are you even alive. I killed you.

Connor: uh... I am a ghost.

TheWiseTwo: ...

Connor: ...

TheWiseTwo: ...

Connor: Why are we dot-dot-doting

TheWiseOne: Because it fun. Oh no me starting to catch the Garet Virus.

Connor: He is a lost cause.

TheWiseTwo: Well you're a perfectionist!

Disclaimer: To disclaim or not to disclaim... That is the question.

TheWiseTwo: Disclaim!

Connor: It was a rhetorical question you retard!

TheWiseTwo: Perfectionist!

* * *

Golden Sun: The True Story Revealed 

Chapter 3: Goodbye

"Garet what did I tell you about touching things!" Isaac yelled.

"But it shiny." (what were you expecting from Garet)

Jenna was now furious and set Garet on fire (I don't know how got put out the first time) again. "What is be cooking?" Garet asked.

Both Jenna and Isaac stared at Garet very menacingly.

Just then...

Kraden started to stir (that all?) and awake up. "It's about time you woke up!" Kraden just meeped.

"This chamber! It is the chamber of the elemental stars!" Garet exclaimed.

"How did you know that?" Isaac asked.

"I read this sign."(He can read!) Garet responded.

"Well lets steal them and make a killing in the black market." Isaac said.

So the two left Kraden and Jenna (who would kill them all except for Isaac if she fell off the edges of the floor and got wet) behind and started to gather the stars. As they got the third star they looked over at Kraden and Jenna to find...

The evil people that were blue and red! (if that wasn't obvious) "Hand over the stars and we will let your friend and the old freak go!"

"Never! You can torture them all you want and we will never give in! Right Isaac?"

"Garet you bastard! I'll kill you if I ever get free!" Jenna yelled.

"Fine we will do what you want..." Isaac said weakly.

"Can I come out now?" a small voice asked.

Fine and do show your friends yours face while your at it.

A young appeared and he had a pony tail and was wearing a mask. "Do I have to take the mask off? It is so comfy."

"Dammit, just take off the mask and lets get on with this!" Jenna yelled again.

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep..." He meeped as he took off his mask to reveal... Felix. The man who was thought to be dead along with Isaac's dad and Jenna's parents.

"Is that all... Jeez I thought this would be exciting." Jenna said.

Isaac jumped to another platform from where he was and was confronted by a person had hadn't seen before. "I am Alex give me the elemental stars for I am a..." he was cut off by Garet.

"A girl!"

"NO! I'm a... What the hell! You're on fire"

"Hot girl thinks I'm on fire!"

"I'm a dude!"

"Really?"

"YES! I've raped many women in my life!"

"Lesbian!"

"Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Alex stole the stars and floated over to his other two friends. "And you better get us the last star too!"

Garet and Isaac shrugged and walked over to where the last was and picked it up. Suddenly the water on the ground evaporated and turned into lava. The evil ones knew they would need to escape.

"Let's get out of here!"

"Isaac!" Jenna called out to him, "I love you! Please come and rescue me! I love youuuuuuuuuu!" She was dragged into the vortex, which had reappeared somewhat conveniently, (hmmmm...) with the others that had escaped.

"Isaac..."

"Yes, Garet..."

"You are so screwed...

"I know..."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Well since she loves me I will probably knock her up until I find someone else or she gets pregnant, then I run away till she hunts me down and kills me."

"You'll die no matter what then..."

"Yup..."

"Behold! I am TheWiseTwo!" a floating person said.

"I thought the protector of the stars was TheWiseOne?" Isaac asked.

"He is on vacation and I am filling in for him." TheWiseTwo says. "And now I will give the star some psynergy and poof. Now you will go goodbye."

Isaac and Garet disappeared and reappeared in front of the Sol Sanctum. "What the heck! Did that floating retard just save us!" Isaac yelled. Garet nodded dumbly.

When the two walked into the village they were tried and hung for their crime.

Not really!

When the two walked into the village they were confronted with the entire town and told them the entire story about what happened.

The next day the two teenagers were sent on a quest to recover the elemental stars and the entire town sent them off wishing them good luck.

"Hey Isaac!" Garet's little brother shouted, "Watch Garet! He will eat anything that is not nailed down!"

"Shut up you or I'll do to you what I did to our other brother!"

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" he squealed. "Here Isaac your mother wanted me to give this to you." He handed Isaac some catch beads.

"Uh... Thanks..."

The duo of Isaac and Garet walked away and as they got far away from town Garet's brother said to himself, "What else was I supposed to give Isaac from his mom? Crap! His meds.!"

Far away from the village Isaac asked Garet a question that could have been of odd importance. "Hey Garet what ever happened to your other brother anyway?" (Or not...)

"Uhhhhhhh... Pass."

* * *

TheWiseTwo: Fin de capitolo tres.

Connor: Why the heck are you speaking Spanish!

TheWiseTwo: I need to practice! So shut up you little shit!"

Connor: Why do you need to practice anyway?

TheWiseTwo: ... ... ... ... ... I'm failing that too...

Connor: HAHAHAHA !

TheWiseTwo: That's it you die now! (pulls out a bloody axe bloody axe is my favorite weapon next to the flame-thrower )

Connor: You can't kill a ghost with an axe.

TheWiseTwo: You're right... (puts axe way) I can with this though! (pulls out the Ghost Laser 5000)

Connor: Shit! (get zapped)

TheWiseTwo: Please review. Thank you. Connor should die again! (zaps the pile of ashes with the laser)


	4. Sugar High!

TheWiseTwo: Welcome back! This is Rose Red2.0.

Rose Red2.0: Hello!

Connor: What the hell is she doing here! I thought this was supposed to be a job between the two of us!

TheWiseTwo: Yeah... but you're so lame.

Connor: That is no reason to bring your girlfriend here!

TheWiseTwo and Rose Red2.0: Shut up you shit!

Connor: Meep!

TheWiseTwo: Nice.

Rose Red2.0: Thanks.

TheWiseTwo: Hmm... Would you like to do the honors? (pulls out a shotgun)

Rose Red2.0: Yes, I would. (takes shotgun and aims at Connor)

Connor: Come on can't you be more original! (gets shot in the mouth) What the heck I just swallowed a bullet!

TheWiseTwo: I was more origanal... (pulls out a switch) Goodbye.

Connor: Dammit! (explodes into a million pieces)

Rose Red2.0: Seems original to me!

TheWiseTwo and Rose Red2.0: Muhahahaha! (evil laughter... yeah evil laughter!)

Disclaimer: That was weird... (eye twitching)

TheWiseTwo: On with the real chapter!

Rose Red2.0: But I want to kill Connor again...

* * *

Golden Sun The True Story Revealed

Chapter 4: Sugar High!

Isaac was walking with Garet along a dirt road on the way to the nearby town of Vault when they were confronted by a creature Isaac had never seen before...

"Hi I'm Flint who are... Ow! Why the hell did you attack me you son of a bitch!" the thing said as Garet whacked at it with his sword.

"Uh... Daaaaa!" Garet responded.

It sighed "Adepts are getting stupider and stupider with every passing millennia... Well...even though your friend attacked me can I can with you?"

"I don't know..." Isaac started (he is talking unenthusiastically), "It will be a long, long trip and your family would probably kill me if that happened... Sure you can come with us...(evil grin)"

"Thanks!"

With a flash Flint was gone and was hiding in Isaac's hair. "Great... With my horrible luck he will take a dump on my head"

"Opps... I made a stinky..." Flint responded almost immediately.

Just then...

Vermin appeared!

Isaac stands there and stares at it.

Garet does the macarena.

Vermin gets scared and runs away from Garet.

"Well that sucked!" Flint complained.

"Stuff it till we get to Vault!" Isaac yelled back at him.

They reached Vault two days and many Flint-stinkies later.

"Heeeeeeeeeello! Welcome to Vault! The greatest town in all of Waya..." the greater passed out as he smelled Isaac.

"I need to take a shower you should go meet the mayor Garet..."

"Okay Isaac!" Garet skipped away quickly and didn't hear what Isaac said next.

"What if the mayor puts him in jail?" Flint asked Isaac.

"That is what I was hoping for..." Isaac sighed as he went up the stairs in the inn to take a shower.

Garet broke the door to the mayor's house. "Isaac say I should come!" he yelled at the top of his voice.

"What do you want..." a small and timid little voice said. "I know I will mind read you and find out what you want..."

The small boy's hand grabbed hold of Garet's (that is so gay Ivan) and held it there for a few seconds. He shivered as he let go. "That was so scary... It was so dark... There was nothing... Nothing except elevator music..."

"Hey Garet!"

"Yeah Isaac..." he was knocked out cold by the flat end of Isaac's sword.

"Sorry kid if he scared you he just reaaaaaaaaally slow."

The boy grabs Isaac's hand and holds it like he did Garet's. (Now your cheating on Garet! For shame Ivan!) When Isaac got his hand away he yelled at the kid, "Stay away from me you fag!"

"Sorry thAT IS HOW I MIND READ PEOPLE TO FIND OUT IF THEIR INTENTIONSARE GOOD OR BAD. My NAME IS IVAN. YOUR INTENTIONSARE GOOD IF NOT REALLY DEPRESING. WOULD YOU HELP ME TOFIND SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR."

"ONLY AS LONG AS YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

AFTER A FEW HOURS THEY (GARET WOKE UP) FOUND A HOLE IN THE INN'S ROOF AND CRAWED IN (GARET MADE THE HOLE BY FALLING ON TOP OF IT AND FALLING THROUGH). IT LEED TO A SMALL ROOM AT THE END OF A HALLWAY. IN THAT ROOF THEY FOUND... THREE PINK JELLY BEANS!IVAN TOOKTHE BEANS AND ATE THEM GEEDILY. THEN THREE PEOPLE ENTERED THE ROOM AND STArted to attack!

* * *

TheWiseTwo: Sorry I just noticed that I had the caps lock stuck...

Connor: You idiot it was on for three paragraphs!

TheWiseTwo: Don't make me sick Rose Red2.0 on you.

Rose Red2.0: I wanna kill him!

Connor: ...

TheWiseTwo: (evil grin) Sure... Go ahead...

Rose Red2.0: Yeah! (pulls out chainsaw)

Connor: Shit not again! (gets sawed)

* * *

Bandit appeared.

Theif 1 appeared.

Theif 2 appeared.

Ivan bounces (sugar high!) off the walls and pantsed Thief 1.

Theif 1 runs away in embarrassment.

Theif 2 attacks Garet.

Garet takes 35 damage.

Garet gets mad. (don't get mad... get pissed)

Garet goes hulk and attacks Thief 2.

Thief 2 takes 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 damage.

Garet felled Thief 2.

Isaac shrugged and aims his sword at his chest.

Isaac misses and hits Bandit instead.

Bandit takes 127 damage.

Bandit attacks Ivan.

Ivan dodges and gives Bandit an atomic wedgie.

Bandit takes 1,000 damage.

Ivan felled Bandit.

What the hell kind of battling was that!" Flint started to curse at them again.

They grabbed the stuff that was stolen and sold it back to the town for traveling money.

Ivan who had decided to go with them brought the item he had wanted to retrieve from the bandits.

"So Ivan why is the staff so important to you?"

"This is why..." he opened the staff up to reveal...

Candy! Butlodes of candy!

As Ivan stared to eat twice his weight in candy, and Garet was drooling over the candy. Ivan sent him flying with a whirlwind. "MY CANDY! NOT YOUR CANDY!" he shouted at Garet.

Isaac sighed, "This is going to be a looooooooong adventure..." :(

* * *

TheWiseTwo: End of chapter!

Rose Red2.0: (walks up) Hi!

TheWiseTwo: Hi... Where is Connor?

Rose Red2.0: Uh... Bye! Read my fics!

TheWiseTwo: Okay... So please review.


	5. Smart Garet and the Evil Pie

TheWiseTwo:Wahh...

Rose Red2.0: What's wrong?

TheWiseTwo: Connor is gone...

Rose Red2.0: Isn't that a good thing?

TheWiseTwo: But with him gone who am I going to kill...

Rose Red2.0: Don't look at me!

TheWiseTwo: Wait I have an idea! (picks up phone and dials a number)

Rose Red2.0: What are you doing?

TheWiseTwo: Prank phone calls...

Rose Red2.0: Me next!

Disclaimer: I'm after her!

TheWiseTwo: No your not! We get unlimited turns!

Rose Red2.0: Nah! (sticks tongue out at disclaimer)

Disclaimer: Fine! He doesn't own Camelot!

* * *

Golden Sun: The True Story Revealed

Chapter 5: Smart Garet and The Evil Pie

To Isaac the past few days had been a blur. Ivan attacked Garet every time he got close to his candy. Isaac avoided Ivan. Garet was being... Garet.

They had just arrived at Bilibin.

Garet spoke up, "Excuse me, Isaac, but I was simply pondering what the three of us could possibly need in this petty town."

Isaac and Ivan both just stared at Garet with disbelieving eyes. "Um...Garet were you messing around with your smart dial again?" Isaac asked cautiously.

"A smart dial that is preposterous!"

Isaac looked at the back of Garet's head and say a dial that was set to nine. He moved it to four.

"Prepesterable."

Isaac lowered it to one.

"Prepoopabli."

Isaac sighed and lowered it even more.

"Hehehe... Poop! Hehe..."

"That's better now isn't it Garet." Isaac said as he patted Garet on the back. "Now I got to go..."

Isaac walked away and Ivan and Garet blindly followed him. (dang their just like sheep) As they turned the corner they saw Isaac jump into the town well.

A few seconds later a voice came for inside of the well, "Dammit! This dijinn broke my fall!" Isaac jumped out of the well and started to walk toward Garet and Ivan. "Here Ivan. It looks gay." he said as he handed the dijinn to Ivan. Ivan just sneered at Isaac. "You two stay here while I go find my cousin." Isaac left Ivan and Garet all alone. (note: never leave a sugar addict and an idiot alone)

"Garet!" Ivan shouted.

"Yes?"

"You stay here while I go do something!" Ivan stormed off.

Then a shadow fell over Garet. He turned around to see the scariest sight of his life. "No! My dream has come true! Run away!"

Ivan had snuck into a candy shop and was busy eating all of it when Garet ran up to him. "Ivan! Ivan! Ivan!"

"Yes? Yes? Yes?"

"I saw! I saw! I saw!"

"Out with it!"

"Evil pie!"

"Garet... There is no such thing as an evil pie."

Just then a shadow fell over Ivan and Garet. They looked up and saw... "Evil Pie!" they both screamed and ran away. They ran as fast as they could but they couldn't lose the flying pie.

The two eventually came to the Kolima forest and seeing that there was no where left to run turned to faced their killer. The pie was now toying with them moving slowly toward them.

Then some sparkly stuff came falling from the sky and the pie into a pie-shaped tree. Then the sparkly stuff got closer to Garet and Ivan. Just before it reached them the sparkles stopped falling from the sky.

"Dammit! Out of sparkly sparkles again! Stay out of the forest or die! "a voice boomed from deep inside the forest.

Isaac approached Ivan and Garet after that (how did he get into the forest so fast) ,"Hey have either of you seen my cousin?"

They stared at him in disbelief. "Oh yeah... My cousin is a pie."

They looked at Isaac and then turned to the pie-tree then back the Isaac. "No we haven't seen your pie." they responded quickly.

"Okay then. Lets go to the first lighthouse and stop those two creeps. Come to think of it... We still don't know their names... Lets ask them when we get there."

"Hey Isaac?" Ivan spoke up, "A loud voice told us to stay away from the inside of the forest shouldn't we check it out?"

"No." Isaac said.

"But..."

"No."

"Well I heard there was a beautiful princess that is willing to have sex with you if you save her from that voice." Ivan said after a long pause.

"What are we waiting for! To the inner forest!" Isaac yelled as he ran into the Kolima forest.

"Ivan?"

"Yes Garet?"

"I didn't hear about princess."

Ivan whacked Garet over the head. (how can he reach that high) "That was a trick to get Isaac into the forest you moron!"

"Hey you two! That princess isn't going to have sex with herself! At least I hope not..."

* * *

TheWiseTwo: This sucks...

Rose Red2.0: Yup...

TheWiseTwo: Who would have thought that we would have called a police station...

Police 1: Shut up you!

TheWiseTwo: You know how we can get out of this?

Rose Red2.0: Nope...

Police 2: Hey he said to shut up!

Rose Red2.0: Well I do have one idea. (evil grin)

Police 1 & 2: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! (gets incinerated)

TheWiseTwo: Remind me to stay on your good side...

Rose Red2.0: Hehehe...

TheWiseTwo: And to all that care (not many) I now have a pokemon fic known as "The Dark Oracle" so if you like pokemon please read it.

Rose Red2.0: I'll be there!

TheWiseTwo: So please review and read the other story too.


	6. Tret Tree is a butt

TheWiseTwo: Sorry I've been gone for a while...

Connor: So.

TheWiseTwo: Well this fic has had over 600 hits! And 16 reviews... Is that a good thing or is that low...

Connor: Ok... So were is your friend?

TheWiseTwo: I thought she would kill me for not updating in so long.

Connor: Is that why we are hiding in your basment?

TheWiseTwo: Be qutie! They might learn where I am...

Connor: Whatever... What the heck!

Urami: It is pleasure to serve master...

TheWiseTwo: Oh! This is the daemon that I summoned. I like the term daemon itstead of demon. His name is Urami and his is the spirit of a daemon ogre.

Urami: Kill! (pulls out axe)

TheWiseTwo: Go ahead...

Connor: Wait! What!

**Disclaimer: This ought to be good... And something something owns nothing.**

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"Hey guy?" Issac was tried after running so much.

"Yes?" Ivan responded with a grin.

"First that grin is distrubing. Second... There is no pricess is there?"

"Nope!" Garet quickly cut in before Ivan could respond.

"Dammit Garet! This was the only was to get Issac to explore this place with us!"

"Ivan..."

"Shit... See what you did Garet! Now Issac is gonning to kill me!"

Garet had but one very important thing to say. "Hippo!" (Dammit! He keeps making me wrong!)

"We'll talk about this after we find our way out of here Ivan." Issac gave a warm reassuring smile.

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." Ivan whinned silently.

"Hi... I'm Forage..." A small voice came from behind Ivan.

"Huh..."

"How dare you forget me in that damn cave! You were supposed to jump from pillar to pillar to rescue me!" Breathes fire on Ivan.

"Hot! Hot! Hot!" Ivan started running to put the fire out. (Didn't anyone know how to put fire out back then)

"Ivan wait up I still need to kill you later!"

"Hippopoto!" (I bet you'll never guess who said this...)

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Ivan kept running. "Fire bad!"

Just then...

Ivan ran into a tree. "Tree bad! Tree bad!" (This kid got issues)

"Who dares tickle the mighty Tret!"

"Hey Ivan!" Garet ran up followed closely by Issac, "Cool... You set a giant tree on fire!"

"What the Hell... The fire burns! Put it out!"

"Hey Garet did you hear something?" Issac sounded confused.

"Nope. I didn't hear a tree screaming in pain."

"So did you just forget about me or what." Ivan was pissed. "Issac heal me!"

"No..."

"Come on..."

"No..."

"Please..."

"Fine I won't do it..."

"That's great! Hey..."

"Isaac... Ivan... Big hole in tree... Hippopotomonstro!" Garet randomly said.

"We are all ready here... Might as well go in..."

"No! Don't go inside me!"

"That voice I'm hearing keeps irratating me!" Isaac said.

"Issac? I need to tell you something... I have Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia..." Then Garet started screaming hystaricly.

"Ivan! What does Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia mean!?" Then Garet started screaming even louder.

Ivan pulled out a labtop (wait a minute) "Accourding to my labtop Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia" Garet screammed even louder, "Is the fear of long words!" (Ivan stole my labtop!)

"Supercallafagillisticexpealadosious!" (is that even spelled right)

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At the bottom of the tree...

Garet was the first to speak "Hey look at that... Mr. Face is on the TV."

"I am not a face I am Tret!"

"Look like a butt."

"I am not a butt! I am the all powerful Tret Tree!"

"Heh Heh... Buttface..."

"Rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

* * *

**Tret appeared!**

**Ivan used Whillwind.**

**Tret took 32 damage.**

**Issac used cure.**

**Tret regained 32 life.**

**"What the Hell Isaac!"**

**"I might as well kill you now Ivan..."**

**Issac went tratior.**

**Garet used Flare.**

**Issac took 52 damage.**

**Tret took 71 damage.**

**Tret used Brair.**

**Isaac took 35 damage.**

**Issac was felled.**

**Garet took 41 damage.**

**Ivan took 43 damage.**

**"What the Hell! You attacked me!"**

**"Tret does not side with anyone but Tret!"**

**Ivan used sleep.**

**Doesn't work on Tret!**

**Garet used Flare.**

**Tret took 74 damage.**

**Garet took 1 damage.**

**"Garet your hair is on fire again..."**

**Garet took 5**** damage.**

**Garet took 25 damage.**

**Garet took 125 damage.**

**Garet was felled.**

**"Ha ha! Now all that remains is the short one!"**

**"Who are you calling short!"**

**Ivan went insane!**

**Isaac took 9999 damage.**

**Garet took 9999 damage.**

**Ivan took 9999 damage.**

**Missed Tret.**

**Ivan was felled.**

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"Ha ha ha! You lose!" A board fell from the ceiling and hit Tret in the head. "What... Humans! I must thank you. You must have beaten me and now I am in my right mind.

"Sure let's go with that..." Issac responded.

"Please go to the north and you will find some Mercury Water. Bring it here and give it to me to drink."

"Why would I do that?"

"I see a girl in your future young Issac. She has blue hair and can be found in the city of ice."

"Let go to the city of ice!" Issac burst out and started to run out of the forest.

"Hey wait up Issac!" Both Ivan and Garet ran after Issac leaving Tret behind.

"That fool... I was going to tell him to avoid the girl else she would kill him but oh well...

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TheWiseTwo: On to Imil!

Rose Red2.0: To Imil!

TheWiseTwo: What the Hell are you doing here.

Rose Red2.0: Connor let me in

TheWiseTwo: Urami sick her!

Urami: Rahhh!

Rose Red2.0: ... (Stares Urami in the eyes)

Urami: Mommy... (runs away)

Rose Red2.0: Now how about we have a little talk...

TheWiseTwo: Mommy...


	7. The Mystery of the Wet Sleeping Bag and

Necromancer's Soul: SEASON 2!!!

Connor: Liar...

Necromancer's Soul: Shhhh... If they know that then they might not read more...

Connor: Lucky them... I wish I wasn't even here...

Necromancer's Soul: If you really feel that way then... Urami come here! (Giant Ogre Daemon appears) Yes I said daemon you faggots!

Urami: Yes master?

Necromancer's Soul: Kill the non-necro-believer!

Urami: KILL KILL KILL!!!

Connor: ... Go poop on yourself...

Disclaimer: Wow! I've never seen someone get split in half like that! It's so gruesome! If only the people at home could see this horrible sight!

Necromancer's Soul: I don't pay you to be an announcer! Get the hell back to work! Faggot...

Disclaimer: I'm telling mom!

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Golden Sun: The True Story Revealed

Chapter 5: The Mystery of the Wet Sleeping bag and the Gnome Mafia

Ivan was out of breath after he had caught up to Isaac. Garet wasn't because he is too stupid to know how to be tired. "Isaac... I think we should stop for the night..."

"Shut up you pussy!" Ivan began to cry. "Shit... Fine well set up camp here." Ivan got up and walked away with a smug little grin on his face.

He was smiling because they were in the middle of nowhere and if one of them happened to get raped no one would scream for help since that is the kind of sick, twisted person the Ivan was.

"Dammit for the last time I'm not gay!"

"Ivan... What are yelling about its just the three of us here." said Isaac very ticked off.

Then Garet piped up, "Have eighter of you all felt like someone else was controlling your every move just by typing it on a computer?"

All three stood there looking at each other. "Nope, never." Isaac was first to respond.

Ivan was second, "I felt like that ever since I met you two in Vault..."

"I've never felt like that." Garet said.

"But you just said... ... ... Screw it!"

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It is pitch black nighttime, no stars, no moon dark!

"Isaac...?" Garet whispered weakly in the night.

No response.

"Isaac?" Garet whispered a tad more loudly.

"Isaac." Normal speaking voice now.

"Isaac! Isaac! Isaac!" Garet was shouting.

"Isacacacacaccacacacacxacaccacacacacacachfdjbuyocuifyhbnovtginosuevmioxhbwnbeu8gvnivnbyie!!!" (what a spaz...)

"What the hell do you want you retard!" Isaac was finally awake.

"... Nevermind..."

"What... wait a minute..."

In the town on Vale the citizens when awaked by a loud yelling person in the distance. "GARET YOU PISSED ALL OVER MY SLEEPING BAG!!!"

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The trio was now in the cave that would lead them to the city of Imil.

Gnome appeared.

Ivan started at the Gnome the Gnome stared back at Ivan. This when on for a few minutes. The Gnome burst out laughing. "You a midget!"

"Dammit! You're mine now!"

Isaac cut in, "Remember Ivan buy him dinner first."

"Enough with the gay and short jokes I'm sick of it all!"

Gnome 2 appeared!

Gnome 3 appeared!

Gnome 4 appeared!

Gnome 5 appeared!

Gnome 6 appeared!

Etc...

Gnome 999,999 appeared!

Gnome 1,000,000 appeared!

Gnome 1 attacks Ivan.

Ivan takes 2 damage.

"Is that all you got!?!"

Gnome 2 - 1,000,000 attacks Ivan.

"Shit..."

Ivan was felled.

"Thanks guys." Isaac said as he paid each Gnome.

"Anything for a friend. Call again if you need someone whacked."

Garet had been silent, "Huh? I missed it. What happened?"

"I hired the Gnome Mafia to kill Ivan."

And so the two of then left Ivan's dead body and lives happily ever...

"No way man!"

(Ivan you're dead remember)

"Hell no! I ain't gonna do that!"

(Fine... I rewrite the ending...)

"Good."

Ivan lived after all but was so traumatized he wished he was dead every minute for the rest of his life.

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Necromancer's Soul: Happy now? 

Ivan: Hell no! What kind of ending is that!

Necromancer's Soul: It's my kind of ending!

Connor: ... (he's dead remember)

Urami: KILL KILL KILL!!!

Necromancer's Soul: Go for it.

Ivan: Run away!


	8. Still Chapter 5

Crash Big: Wow 3 years without visiting this site…

Connor: I was so happy too!

Crash Big: Just because my name might seem nicer don't even think for a second that you wouldn't still be dead if it wasn't for me!

Connor: You're also the one who killed me!

Crash Big: That's just because I hate how you spell your name. Anyway I would like to say hello to any old readers as well as all of our new friends just joining us.

Connor: Why are you acting nice and where are your two little friends?

Crash Big: Let's see… It's been 3 years so hmmm… DO I LOOK LIKE I KEEP TABS ON EVERYONE! My human friend might not be on this site so I will use this chapter to start contact if she is. And Urami has passed on to hell. Let's just start with the disclaimer.

…

Crash Big: Well shit! Where is he? Then again 3 years without food might make a person leave… So I'll do it. I don't own Camelot or the rights of the Golden Sun series but I sure as hell own the games as well as the third when it comes out next year.

SIDE NOTE!: I decided to go with a new type of speech. Let me know if it was easier to follow.

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Chapter 5: After 3 years it's still chapter 5!

After three years of wandering through the snow our heroes (?) finally see a city far of in the distance.

Ivan: "Thank God! Land! I can finally refill my candy reserve!"

Isaac: Well I thought it was extremely hilarious when you temporarily went insane and tried to eat the snow yelling "SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG! Huh no clip? Fine whatever.

Garet: (Eating snow) Mmmmmm… Sugarg…

Isaac: And he still believes it was true… I hate you both and my life.

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Connor: Wait a minute!

Crash Big: Don't interrupt! It's just starting to get good.

Connor: But it's still chapter 5!

Crash Big: Yeah I know that's the title…

Connor: Bu… but it defies logic!

Crash Big: Ok fine… I was hoping not to use this spell so soon. EPD!

Connor: (dead)

Crash Big: I'll explain it later but let's finish this story for now.

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Isaac: Righhhhhht… Anyway we should get to Imil soon and find the angel.

Garet: Maybe it isn't Imil?

Isaac: I know I'm going to regret asking but why wouldn't the only city that is in the tundra, also known as Imil just to remind you, how could this possibly be IMIL!

Garet: Well we don't know for sure… Maybe it's Prox?

Isaac: What the fuck are you smoking? No you know what let's just get going.

Ivan: SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Isaac: And he snaps again… Well who expected that? Oh wait! I did!

Garet: Dick…

Ivan: Penis…

Isaac: Shut up fags. Let's go NOW!

After entering the town our targets are approached by a random villager.

Random Villager: Welcome weary travelers! Welcome to-

Isaac: Yeah. Yeah so is this Imil or what.

Random Villager: Why don't you go talk to our elders in this house right here?

Isaac: Umm… That not what I said… I just want to know the name of this town.

Random Villager: Goodbye and have a good time in this little village of ours.

Isaac: I already hate this place. Well we got nowhere else to go let's go continue the main plot.

So the three enter the house pointed out to them by Random Villager. [Who was rightfully named in my opinion]

Isaac: Hello is anybody home?

Old Woman: Yes! Young ones! Please help me! My husband, Old Man is very sick! Please get the healer Mia from the shrine!

Isaac: One. Stop yelling. Two. I'll take this. (opens chest, takes empty bottle) Really? Is everyone high! Who puts a fucking empty bottle in a chest!

Old Woman: Yes, yes. Please take our precious treasure as payment. Just please bring Mia here.

Isaac: Fine… Garet, Ivan. Take "care of" the old woman and her husband while I'm gone.

Garet: No prob boss man dude guy!

Ivan: But I wantz me somo candy!

Isaac leaves and begins to walk slowly around the village. After about thirty minutes he decides that Garret and Ivan have had ample time to complete their assignment.

Isaac: Okay that should be enough time… So where is the shrine? (looks up) Oh well I guess I pulled a Garret. (enters shrine)

Bitchy Boy: Hello mister. Do you have any business here?

Isaac: Yeah I'm look for someone.

Bitchy Boy: Aren't we all, handsome.

Isaac: Haha… What?

Bitchy Boy: Unfortunately for you I've already got a man in my life.

Isaac: …

Bitchy Boy: He should be back soon. He is the preacher you know! I'm so lucky! You might have better luck with Mia though. She just went to check on the town elders. Goodbye now. I need to go to the backroom and prepare the bed for when the priest comes back. (leaves)

Isaac: …

Isaac: …

Isaac: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!

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Isaac heads back to the elders house old to find a blue haired woman standing over Old Man and Garret giving Old Woman a shoulder massage and Ivan giving her a foot massage.

Isaac: What the hell guys! I thought I told you to kill these old people.

Garet: But you said take care of them.

Ivan: So we did. Are you finally proud of us?

Isaac: Of course not. You didn't kill the old people!

Garet: They have names you know.

Mia: Did someone say something about killing the elders?

Isaac: Umm… No?

Mia: Oh too bad… Truth is I've been trying to kill them for a while now. In their will they are leaving everything to me so I have been giving them poison instead of medicine for a while now.

Old Woman: We can hear you…

Old Man: (moans)

Mia: Actually you are pretty cute. Wanna go have sex at the shine? That weird kid and the priest should be finishing up right about now.

Isaac: Well the truth is… What! Wait! Sex? Later guys!

Suddenly a bright blue light filled the room.

Mia: Huh that came from the direction of the… Oh no! My stash! (Mia runs off)

Isaac: But… Sex?

Ivan: Don't worry. I'll help you get laid if you get me some candy.

Garet: Lego my ego!

Isaac: I agree… We should go check out that light. Plus I will bang that blue-haired chick if it's the last thing I do!

Ivan: You understood him?

Isaac: Idiot is a universal language.

Ivan: Ok then…

Isaac: Oh right! So Old Man, what is the name of this village anyway?

Old Man: This is… Sparta… (dies)

Old Woman: (crying) At least he died telling a joke. I'm sure that made him happy in his last moments. Thank you kind young man.

Isaac: I definitely hate this place. Ok let's go to the light!

Garet: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ivan: What wrong now retard?

Garet: But my mommy always said to stay away from the light.

Isaac: Really? I expected your parents to say run to the light as fast as your little legs will take you.

Garet: Wait… Did you just call me a retard?

Isaac: Can we just go without a lame dialogue for once?

Later. At the base of the Mercury Lighthouse.

Mia: No~ (sob) I can't find my key.

Isaac: Need any help my fair lady?

Mia: Well~ If you can move this statue I will screw your brains out.

Isaac: Done and done! (uses psynergy to move the statue blocking the entrance)

Mia: Yay! I can go check on my stash now!

Isaac: So… about that screw?

Mia: You can collect that later but right now I need your help to get to the top to the lighthouse.

Garet: Shiny… (looking up)

Ivan: This is so cool. (looking up)

Isaac: What? (looks up [Well who expected that? Oh wait! I did! And so did you! Who's a smart reader? You are! Yes you are!])

Mia: I hope this lighthouse isn't lit yet.

Isaac: Well before we begin this tremendous journey… I just have one more question.

Mia: What is it?

Isaac: What is the name of this damned town!?! It smells bad, all the people are sick and dying, I've wanted to leave a place so bad, and it has no morals what so ever!

Mia: New Jersey.

Isaac: Yeah that figures.

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Crash Big: Woo! This might actually be better than quite a bit of my previous work. I've been working on this for 3 hours straight! That includes the hour that I went to Preston's and played Brawl. R.O.B. kicks ass!

Connor: (dead and charred)

Crash Big: Right… Well you see my element is lightning so I used one of my stronger spells. EPD stand for Electric Pulse Disabler. Basically it stops your heart. Well I've mastered necromancy too so he will he alive again soon enough. Bye everyone! Please review!


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